bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
