I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
