Can i not drive my cunt home
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
