after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
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