Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
