new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
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