Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
