u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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