Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
