It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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