I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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