Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
