i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
