you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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