can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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