It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
