I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
