I'm lost and stupid without you.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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