he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
