i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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