She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
