remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
