wakey wakey hands off snakey
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Randomize
