Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
