three words: i give head
three words: not that well
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
