the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
