remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
