Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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