Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
