Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Randomize
