Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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