There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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