my soul wont recognize me after tonight
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
