I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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