I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
