okay pat passed out under dana's car
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Randomize
