dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
