i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
