Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize