whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
