He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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