Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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