His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
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