I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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