I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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