Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Still dying that you shit outside
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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