God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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