I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Randomize
