I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
