was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize