Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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