best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
