I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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