walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
We named our party play list daddy issues
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
