I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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