he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
