Taylor Swift is so right about you.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
