she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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