guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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