i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
