well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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