The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Randomize
