You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
