it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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