I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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