i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
