dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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