i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
