i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
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