just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
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