I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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