I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
